My love and I

My love and I

Monday, August 5, 2013

Update and more of me...

Well It has been awhile, in typical Aubre fashion, so I decided I would update everyone on where we are in the process.

We had our home study and filled our all preliminary paper work, then we began to work on our real paper work. We have completed our dossier, which is the technical term for all of the paperwork that you need to gather to prove you are who you and you live where you live and you do what you do, ITS ALOT! We are currently waiting on a form to return that basically proves Jude to be adoptable by US standards, this investigational process could take anywhere from 3 moths up to a year. Its a BIG step that could hurry everything along or really slow it down. Please be praying it hurries it along. So thats where we are on technical terms.

ME- I am trying to keep busy. Right now we are planning a fundraiser for the end of the month, so I busy gathering silent auction donations and making food and trying to make all my ideas tangible. Mostly I am just praying, praying for Jude, praying for Eli, praying for Josh, praying for our fundraiser, praying for our paperwork to be expedited, praying praying praying.

Prayer is holding me together right now. There have been very few times when I have felt a physical ache of emotion. I had one the other night that caught me off guard. While sitting with Eli watching a cartoon a heaviness settled on my chest and I was suddenly overwhelmed with missing Jude, physically aching for him. My heart longs for him daily, my arms too. I know he will be here one day sooner than later, but Lord bind me to thee. He is indeed holding me up and carrying me through this,

I remember so vividly going through ELi's adoption process, before we even knew who he was, we prayed for our baby and birth mom and birth father, as do we do nightly not for Jude. Those prayers comforted me and God brought peace on me like no other. From the moment we were matched with Eli's birth mom we began praying for him by name and then my heart ached to hold him but knowing he wasn't in this world or someone else's arms yet gave me comfort.

With Jude, we pray nightly and it brings me comfort and peace but also an ache because someone out in this world that I may never know is loving on my child when I should be. Thats the hardest part of the adoption process for me this time. My baby is out there and as his mom I feel this innate need to care for him and I cant. Thats not my role right now. My role in his life right now is to care for him by raising money and doing the mounds of paper work and education and making sure his room his ready and more than anything praying. So, no matter how badly my arms ache to hold him I am busy with my role as his mama right now trying hard to bring him home. I pray you will be led to help me and Josh bring our boy home.

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